Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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