I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
