i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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