I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
