Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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