I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
