I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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