im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
