He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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