Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
