Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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