I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
