So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
