the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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