i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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