just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
