'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He passed out mid-signature
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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