My first STD was from a foam party
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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