K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
