tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
