dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
