By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i drank out of a bidet.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
