I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
