And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
