shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
