I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
