toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
