She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
