OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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