After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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