i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
