at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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