id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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