I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
