I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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