The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
