Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She bit a glass in half.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
