Kiss
Puke
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
