you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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