words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
