this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
