I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
