I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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