Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
