Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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