So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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