oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
