I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
