That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
