I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
