it hurts more in the daytime
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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