well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
