Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
