he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
